“If you’re not careful, time will take away everything that ever hurt you, everything you have ever lost, and replace it with knowledge.  Time is a machine: it will convert your pain into experience. Raw data will be compiled, will be translated into a more comprehensible language. The individual events of your life will be transmuted into another substance called memory and in that mechanism something will be lost….” -Charles Yu

What makes us who we are? Events? Experiences? Memories? Emotions? A combination?

The happy moments in our lives are fleeting, they pass by unnoticed, but their effect leaves a subconscious imprint, for they have a subtle (but powerful) effect on who we are. Without happiness we’re lost.  The painful moments though,  leave a more lasting visible impression (the wounds). The hurt often dictate the changes we make (or fail to make) in life. Perhaps without pain, we’re also lost.  It begs a question though: does happiness, if followed by pain, cancel the whole formula out, in essence making it zero? Pointless? No matter what “the whole formula” represents….

From seeds, a great forest is born and then fires burn it down. Fires cut, burn, consume, destroy. What was the logic of building a forest if it was intended to be burned down…eventually? Perhaps everything serves its purpose in a particular moment in time. Truth is, fires also cleanse in the long run.

Is it all pointless in the end though? An endless cycle of building, enjoying, watching it collapse…..

“Pointless” feels like the right word choice sometimes, but mostly, I think it describes things incorrectly. Feelings and thoughts jostle for control. Which wins out and gets to decide what and who we are? Do experiences control or our memories of them?

Many questions. No coherence. Lots of emotions. Right now, moving forward feels more like being directionless.

Fires suffocating.

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